


Fear/less

by Drowninginfandomgarbage



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: #keeppattonsurviving, (eventually) - Freeform, AU, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Deceit is an evil slimy boi, Fluff, Horror, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Patton-centric fic, but imma try not to give up on it, but not really, i guess mental hospital??, idk where im going with this fic, its complicated, this is what you get for making an idea for a book in your head then making a fic out of it, welp here we go, youll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:22:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14635893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drowninginfandomgarbage/pseuds/Drowninginfandomgarbage
Summary: Patton didn't want to go to the nuthouse. Then again, nobody ever did.ORy'all im sorry im really bad at writing summaries... just read it and find out what happens!





	Fear/less

**Author's Note:**

> They shook hands. Roman grinned from ear to ear.  
> “It’s really nice to meet you, Pops-”  
> “It’s, um, it’s Patton-”  
> “Okay, Pops.” He changed from his normal stage voice to a slightly louder stage yell, and turned toward the rest of the waiting room. “AND IT’S NICE TO MEET ALL OF YOU, TOO!” He bowed to the almost empty room.

_Rehabilitation. A place to restart, a second chance at life… it’s all complete bullshit._  Patton thought as he looked at his surroundings. A white bed, a white wall, and a white desk with white lights and a white tile floor.

_Everything hurts_ ; Patton shields his eyes so he doesn’t have to stare at any of the blinding white anymore. It was just a twisted reminder of how he had gotten himself into this situation. Eyes still covered, he sat down on the bed, which squeaked, seemingly startled by his impact. There was nothing to do here. He had already unpacked his few belongings into the ( _once again, white_ , Patton thought with a grimace) drawer, and he didn’t want to move anything around after getting everything positioned just right. He could have sworn he heard the door click locked behind him the moment he walked in, so he couldn’t really leave the room. Patton pulled his hoodie further over his head and groaned, falling backwards onto the bed. As he wondered if he was going to die of boredom, he heard a small squeak behind him. Patton sat straight up, startled, hoodie still pulled over his face. Last time he checked, he was the only one in the room. Very cautiously and slowly, he pulled his hood off, to come face to face with… a wall. He was facing the wrong way. _Of course I am._ Patton turned around as fast as he could and noticed the curtain for the first time.

 There was a pale blue curtain separating Patton’s room from whatever was on the other side. Honestly, Patton was afraid to find out. He wondered whether he should go investigate the noise or just wait until somebody came in to check on him and he could ask them. After about a minute of staring at the curtain, he finally decided he’d rather not deal with his overactive imagination taking over for however long that would take. He stood up, shuffled over to the curtain, and listened for the noise again. There was nothing except a really faint, constant sound that he hadn’t noticed before. He couldn’t quite make it out, but it almost sounded like music through headphones. That was enough to peak Patton’s interest. He grabbed the curtain and pulled it open in one swift motion. Behind the curtain sat an (almost) identical room to his own. The only differences, really, were the MCR and P!ATD posters decorating the wall, a Nightmare Before Christmas plaque on the desk propped up by a Jack Skellington pop figure, and- somebody sitting on the bed, staring at him.

 Patton jumped. The person on the bed seemed to be frozen there, just watching him. It was starting to get downright creepy. They stared at each other, not saying anything, until Patton cautiously and very smoothly asked, “Are you alive?” That seemed to get the person (his roommate?) out of his stupor, and he lay back down and started to scroll through his phone.

 “Thanks for knocking.” His voice was rough, like he hadn’t used it in a while. _So he does speak._

 “Sorry about that.” Patton scratched the back of his neck. It probably wasn’t the best idea to go in without warning the possibly unstable person first. “Hey, since we’re here anyway, might as well get to know each other.” The person on the bed didn’t respond. Patton continued anyway. “I’m Patton Morales, but you can just call me Patton. And you are?”

 “You can call me… Anxiety.” _Anxiety_ waved and went back to scrolling through what Patton assumed was the Tumblr.

 “Anxiety? That’s an… interesting name.” _What the hell kind of name is Anxiety?_

 “Yeah, well it’s my name, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.” _Okay, then._ At that moment, the intercom that once again, Patton hadn’t noticed before, decided to turn on.

 *When the doors unlock, please follow your guide to the waiting room for lunch.*

 The sound of a lock clicking open brought both of their attentions to the door. It opened, revealing a rather disheveled young man with messy brown hair and a clipboard at his side, a pen hanging down from a string. Patton recognized him as the man who had brought him to his room earlier that day. _Shit! I forgot to ask him his name. What if he already told me and I didn’t hear him and then he gets mad at me because he recognizes me and I don’t remember so then he tells another one of the staff members how I forgot his name and they also get mad at me and then I don’t get lunch for the next week?_ Patton finally stopped mentally rambling and took a deep breath. _It’s probably fine, Patton. Just ask him and he won’t judge you._

 “Hey, I know you! What’s your name again?” Patton put a smile on his face and hoped neither of the others noticed his momentary panic. The man seemed surprised, but answered in an almost monotone voice:

 “It’s Logan. Logan Lopez, pleasure to meet your acquaintance.” He held out his hand for Patton to shake it, and he took it.

 “I’m Patton. You probably know, but I just got here today.” Logan looked at his clipboard, once again adjusting his glasses.

 “Yes, I have your file right here. I assume you have also acquainted with Vi-” Anxiety glared at Logan, “ _Anxiety_ , correct?”

 “M-hm!” _So it started with Vi-._ Patton probably should have guessed Anxiety wasn’t his real name, but he wasn’t one to judge.

 “Follow me, then.” Logan spun around on his heels and walked away. Anxiety was still laying down on the bed, looking as bored as ever.

 “We’re supposed to-” Patton motioned toward the door and back at Anxiety, hoping he got the message. Without looking up, he cranked up his music and waved Patton away. Evidently, he didn’t. “Don’t you want to-?”

 “Just go without me. I’ll eat later. It’s fine.” Anxiety managed to make the music even louder ( _Wouldn’t that permanently damage your ears?_ ) and Patton realized that Logan must be long gone by now. He muttered something that resembled goodbye to Anxiety and sprinted out the door.

 When he finally caught up to Logan (who didn’t seem to notice he was gone), they were already halfway there. Patton paused to catch his breath, then kept walking. “So, how do you like it here?” Patton asked, unsure whether he should start a conversation or not, but nevertheless deciding on the former. Once again, Logan looks surprised that he’s asking a question, but answers anyway.

 “To be honest, I don’t enjoy being here whatsoever. It gives me memories from before. I actually used to be a patient here, you know.” That surprised Patton. Logan seemed like the person that didn’t have many insecurities in his life, let alone enough to have to go to a mental hospital. Especially _this_ hospital.

 

* * *

 

 After about five more minutes, they had gotten to what the intercom had called the waiting room. A white couch and a couple of assorted chairs and tables were scattered around, and the fluorescent lights seemed to flicker with how bright they were. Anxiety ( _How did he get here already?_ Patton thought) was lounging in the corner with his headphones and a black and purple hood over his head. For the first time, he noticed the dark bags under Anxiety’s eyes that seemed to result from the perfect combination of both sleep deprivation and an entire container’s worth of black eyeshadow. His hair was pulled in front of his face as much as possible, and all of the factors together (the hair, the eyes, the music) made him the textbook example of an edgy teenager in about every way possible. Other than Anxiety, there were only a couple of people in the room. A person in their twenties with short rainbow hair, an extremely small frame, and black-rimmed glasses sat at one of the tables, absentmindedly picking at their food. Across from them sat a girl with her long brown hair up in a ponytail, legs up on the table, lost in what seemed to be the third book of the Harry Potter series. And then there was the guy in what appeared to be a full out Disney prince costume sprinting around the room, singing nonsense that might have supposed to be a song from Cinderella.

 Logan immediately took notice of him. “ROMAN!” He ran after him as fast as he could. “ROMAN! NO RUNNING IN THE WAITING ROOM!” The man (Roman, apparently) was too fast, though, and even with Logan’s best efforts, he couldn’t catch up. Patton tried his best to sit down on the couch without anyone taking notice of him, but of course, someone did. And that someone was Roman. Just before he could sit, Roman ran over to Patton, Logan right on his trail, and stopped about a foot in front of Patton’s face. Logan promptly ran into Roman’s back, but he seemed to take no notice of this.

 “Hello! I’m Roman, and you are…” Roman waited for Patton to continue.

 “It’s Patton. Hi.” He tried his best not to look as awkward as he felt, but Roman didn’t seem like one to judge. They shook hands. Roman grinned from ear to ear.

 “It’s really nice to meet you, Pops-”

 “It’s, um, it’s Patton-”

 “Okay, Pops.” He changed from his normal stage voice to a slightly louder stage yell, and turned toward the rest of the waiting room. “AND IT’S NICE TO MEET ALL OF YOU, TOO!” He bowed to the almost empty room. None of the other patients took notice, despite the volume of his voice. Logan stepped out from behind Roman, still shaken from running into him.

 “Roman here has some… psychotic tendencies, as I am sure you can see.” As if to prove his point, Roman at that moment decided to leave in order to sit, somehow backwards, on the couch. Yes, Patton could definitely see.

 “Hey! Microsoft turd! When can we get food?” Roman called from his place on the couch. Logan groaned.

 “You can get food anytime you want, Roman!” He called back.

 “Right!” Roman stood up and ran behind the both of them to a window filled with various food items, grabbing a plastic tray and scooping something that looked vaguely like mashed potatoes directly onto it.

 “Is he… okay to-” Patton started, unsure.

 “Yeah, yeah, it’s fine. We have people hired to specifically clean up his messes.” Logan looked back down and began to write in his notes on the clipboard. “You can eat now, you know.”

 “I think I’m good.”

 

* * *

 

 Half an hour passed, more people came and went to get their food, and Patton sat on the couch the entire time. He had forgotten to bring anything with him due to his rush out the door earlier, so he just resorted to playing his usual game of ‘How Long Can Patton Stay Unnoticed by the General Public?’ Answer: exactly half an hour. After that, unfortunately for Patton, the girl that was reading the Harry Potter book when he first came in decided to sit next to him.

 “Hey! I’m Valerie!” Valerie smiled and Patton had no choice but to smile back.

 “Patton.” He waved half-heartedly. A moment of silence passed, but Valerie was able to break it before things got too awkward.

 “You’re new, right?” She shuffled closer on the couch.

 “Yeah, this is my first day.”

 “Well, good luck, then.” Patton glanced nervously up at Valerie, but she was smiling, and that somehow made him feel calmer.

 “Why do you say that?”

 “Isn’t it obvious? You’re in the nuthouse for a reason, right?”

 “I mean, it’s not really a ‘nuthouse,’ per se-”

 “Yeah, it really is.” Valerie lay down on the couch and crossed her legs over the top of Patton, who, in turn, smiled a ‘get off me, please’ smile in her direction. She didn’t get the message. Instead, she just continued talking. “Yeah, I mean, it depends what you’re in for, but I’ve heard some pretty creepy stories about this place. People who left a completely different person than when they first came in.” Patton didn’t want to hear about this anymore. He decided to change the subject.

 “So, Valerie… what are you in for? You seem pretty chill to me!” _Did I just say she looked ‘chill’?_ Patton mentally slapped himself in the face.

 “Yeah, my fear doesn’t really apply to a lot. The only problem is, when it does, it’s really bad. My parents took me here as their last resort; I don’t think they could handle it any longer.”

 “Is it okay if I ask what that fear is?” Patton genuinely wanted to know. Valerie took a deep breath.

 “Little kids.” _Huh._ He wondered how that was even possible. “Yeah, I was able to steer clear of parks and stuff like that for a while, but then my mom got pregnant and it all went to shit.” _Language!_ Patton mentally scolded her, but figured it wasn’t exactly the best time. Nevertheless, from across the room, Logan looked up from his notes and yelled the exact same thing to Valerie. She scowled, flipping him off from her position on the couch. “So that’s pretty much all you need to know.” She finally put her legs down on the floor and sat back up. “Since I told you mine, why are you here, Patton? I can usually read people about this sort of thing, but you’ve become a mystery to me.” Patton wasn’t sure he wanted to tell anybody why he was here. He thought back to earlier in the month, when everything had started to turn against his favor.

 

* * *

 

_June 19, 3:00 A.M._

_Patton awoke to the sound of his parents arguing over something. This, unfortunately, had become a common occurrence over the past few months. They always fought about the most trivial things; where somebody put the remote, who had gone out for groceries and forgotten something. Their relationship was falling apart. Patton didn’t acknowledge this; he didn’t want to, at least. He covered his head with a pillow; he didn’t need this tonight, especially at this time of day. Glancing at the alarm clock, he groaned. They should be in bed by now. He didn’t want to interfere, but he eventually decided that he would go down and tell them to go to bed. That would stop them from fighting, at least. Patton started walking downstairs but stopped in his tracks when he heard his name. “PATTON DOESN’T DESERVE TO GO!” He stood on the stairs, frozen in place. Why were they talking about him? “Please, don’t make him go there.” The voice whimpered, almost too quiet for him to hear._

_“You know he needs help, Joan. This is the best way for him to get it.” Patton was scared. What was all this about? “Look, it says right here. ‘There has never been somebody we couldn’t fix. 100% guarantee.’”_

_“Well, we shouldn’t go jumping to solutions like this. At least start with another therapist or something, not… this!”_

_“You remember what happened with his last therapist. What makes you think the same thing won’t happen again?” There was a moment of silence, and a sigh of defeat._

_“Are you sure this is the only way?”_

_“It’s the best way.” More silence._

_“Let’s go to bed.” Footsteps moved away from Patton and towards their bedroom. He heard the door shut and was finally able to move again. He ran down the rest of the stairs and to the table as quietly as possible, finding the paper that said what Thomas had quoted. Shuffling through their mail, he finally found it. A brochure for some place called ‘The Fear Centre’ that would get rid of all your deepest, most troubling fears, ‘100% guarantee’. He read through more of the brochure. To Patton, the whole thing seemed like some sort of elaborate scam or at least a mental hospital. He thought he could trust his parents not to enroll him into the nuthouse, but based on the way their argument ended, he guessed he couldn’t._

_Patton walked back upstairs, extremely tired but unable to fall asleep due to what was on his mind. So it wasn’t necessarily his fault when he woke up delirious and cranky. During breakfast, they sat at the table in silence. Patton slowly ate his cereal while Joan and Thomas nervously glanced at each other._

_“So I see you’ve come to an agreement,” Patton mumbled through a spoonful of Chex, not quite loud enough for either of them to hear. He glared at both of them with a fire burning in his eyes. When they continued to do nothing besides glance back and forth from Patton to each other, he promptly dropped the spoon into the bowl, slammed it onto the counter next to the sink, and stomped over to the door. He had already turned the handle and was opening the door when Joan finally spoke._

_“Patton, what’s with you today?” It was their statement that finally broke the rest of their silence. Patton snapped. His hand slid off the doorknob, and turned around slowly. Joan and Thomas both saw for the first time how terrifying he looked when he was like this, his eyes wide but eyebrows furrowed, dark bags showing underneath, his mouth twisted into a tight almost-smile._

_“What’s with me?” He whispered, but his voice reverberated around the room just the same. “What’s with me? Let’s see, maybe think for a second, why would I be mad? Could it be the fact that you fought about what you think is best for me without actually putting me into the equation? Is it that you plan to put me away in some mental hospital? Or maybe it’s that-“ Patton paused. He saw the terrified looks on both of their faces, and everything came rushing back to him in a single crushing realization. He dropped down to his knees and a tear rolled down his cheek. “Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do deserve to be put away.” He mumbled through tears. Thomas and Joan exchanged a glance and ran over to comfort him._

_“It’s not a mental hospital, kiddo,” Thomas murmured into Patton’s ear. He wiped a tear from his face and looked up, confused._

_“Huh?”_

_“It’s more like a… rehab center for people with certain fears they can’t handle. They can help you, Patton!”_

_“We’re so sorry we didn’t tell you. We were going to explain it later but I guess you already know, so…” Joan let out a small laugh. Patton didn’t say a word, but he put his normal smile on his face so they’d know he was thankful they felt that way. After he stood up again, they never talked about that moment. Although his mind told him not to go, he didn’t listen for once. He didn’t want his parents to fight anymore because of him. He didn’t want to scare them like that again. So he packed a few of his belongings without putting up any more of a fight, and they drove him there later that month._

 

* * *

 

 Before Patton could respond to Valerie, the intercom sounded again.

 *Please follow your guide from earlier back to your rooms.* _Logan, right?_ Patton’s eyes scanned the room, and eventually landed on him, still taking notes on his clipboard, and managing to hold some sort of PB and J sandwich in his mouth. Logan looked up after hearing the message and moved to stand by the door. The five people in the room slowly shuffled in his direction. Patton was the first one there, but nobody else seemed to be in a hurry. He glanced at Logan, who was currently eating his sandwich and paying no attention to anyone in the room.

 “Wait, so Logan-”

 “Mff?” Logan mumbled through a bite of his sandwich.

 “Do you have to take care of everyone? I don’t see anyone else here.” Logan swallowed his sandwich and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm.

 “Yes, I take care of all the patients in this wing of the Centre…” Roman ran across the room, holding something that looked like a handful of spaghetti in his hand, “...unfortunately.”

 After all of the patients were rounded up and in some sort of group, Logan walked out the door gripping Roman’s arm and everyone followed. Roman was safely put into his room, and Patton realized there was one person who he hadn’t been introduced to yet. He walked up to the rainbow haired person and tapped their shoulder. “Hi there! I’m Patton; I’m new.” He smiled at them, and they smiled back.

 “Talyn. Nice to meet you!” They replied quietly. They sort of reminded Patton of a mouse; small and extremely quiet.

 “I like your hair!” He didn’t realize how loud he was until Talyn put their hands over their ears and cringed. “Oh, sorry, was I talking too loud?” Patton asked in a quieter tone. They took their hands off their ears and shook their head.

 “No, sorry. Phonophobia,” Talyn explained to Patton. He replied with a small ‘oh.’ He needed to remember to talk quietly around them then. “But thanks! About the- the hair...” Even though they almost spoke in a whisper, they still managed to convey a lot of emotion with their voice. “This is my room…” They pointed a thumb at one of the nearly identical doors with the number ‘207’ on it, and waved goodbye. Patton felt someone bump into his shoulder and found Valerie, who was also on her way to the door. She stopped and smiled.

 “So you’ve met Talyn?” He nodded. “Yeah, they’re pretty cool. But weird, too. Did you know they actually love heavy metal music somehow despite their fear? Yeah, I don’t know how that works but-“ Talyn waved her over.

 “We don’t have all day, you know, Val!” They spoke in what Patton assumed was their loudest possible voice. Valerie called back.

 “I know! I’m coming!” She walked to the door and turned around. “Bye, Patton! Oh, and don’t lose your group!” She closed the door behind her and Patton turned around to find that everyone else had left. _Shit. Not again!_ He sprinted to catch up with the rest of his group.

 

* * *

 

 It was about 4:00 P.M. when Patton and Anxiety got back to their room. The door locked behind them, and they were stuck there until dinner. Patton sat on the bed, and Anxiety pushed the curtain aside so he could get to his side of the room. “So, _Anxiety_ … how did you end up getting here?” No response. He tried again, this time louder. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only patient besides Roman that I don’t know the fear of!” Nothing. Patton wasn’t sure if he was ignoring him or not, but then he heard the faint sound of heavy metal and he knew that Anxiety couldn’t hear him.

 “Hey, what do you call a cow with no legs?” Patton had been telling dad jokes since the moment he realized nobody could hear him. “Ground beef.” He fiddled with the string on his hoodie. Patton went full-out dad voice in order to say the next one (which was one of his personal favorites). “Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up? Because if they slept with both legs up, they’d fall over.” He heard a snicker from behind the curtain that was quickly cut off, and then realized: “You were listening this whole time?!” A muffled ‘shit!’ was the reply. Patton groaned. He hadn’t actually told one of his dad jokes out loud to another person in a long time. From the corner of his eye, he saw the curtain open and Anxiety leaned against the wall. He smirked.

 “You know, you’re actually pretty funny when nobody’s around to hear you.” Patton sat up in bed, still cringing.

 “Those jokes were horrible, though!” He tried explaining, “I don’t think anybody else truly likes dad jokes; it’s embarrassing, really.”

 “I don’t know, some of them were actually pretty creative. Did you actually make some up yourself?”

 “Um… yes?” Patton replied, more of a question than an answer.

 “I mean, I liked most of them, if that makes you feel better.” Patton smiled out of the corner of his mouth, a small but genuine gesture. Their conversation was once again interrupted by the intercom.

 *Please follow your guide to the waiting room for dinner.* Logan was immediately at the door, ever-present clipboard in hand. Patton and Anxiety followed him back to the waiting room, and this time, the rest of the people from what Logan called his ‘wing’ came along. After finally letting go of Roman once they got to the waiting room, Logan moved to his place from before to lean on the wall. There were now three circular tables in the room, presumably to eat dinner on. Patton decided that since he didn’t eat lunch, he would at least have dinner. If he wasn’t allowed to leave the room besides timed meals, he would definitely regret not having dinner later. Patton moved to the line to get food and grabbed a tray. After getting his food, he sat down at one of the tables and prepared himself to eat what looked kind of like lasagna, a piece of garlic bread, and assorted vegetables. Bracing himself for the worst, he took a bite, chewed, and swallowed as fast as possible.

 Despite the food being only vaguely food-shaped, it tasted pretty good.

 As he continued eating, Anxiety sat down across from him with a tray of his own. Patton was somewhat surprised he would actually eat this time, but he was human too.

 “So, Patton; why do you seem so different when nobody’s around?” He stabbed a piece of broccoli with his fork and examined it before taking a bite.

 “I don’t know exactly... I think it’s really just the pressure of what other people think.” Patton thought about why he actually acted differently and shuddered. Anxiety laughed.

 “Screw what other people think!” He pounded his fist on the table; a piece of lasagna that was previously on his fork dripped to the ground. Patton looked around, worried that others had noticed Anxiety’s outburst, but nobody even glanced in their direction. “See, this is exactly what I mean. Nobody cares here, you realize that, right?”

 “I mean, I guess-”

 “If you have social anxiety, like me, and you care about what other people think about you, just remember: Everyone here is mental anyway; there’s nobody sane enough to judge you.” _That’s always good advice to live by._ Anxiety gestured at Roman, who was currently facing the wall and engaged in performing a monologue to it. “Take into mind that nobody judges Princey over there, and you are _nowhere near_ as bad as him.” Patton held back a laugh.

 The two of them talked for the rest of the time they ate. Anxiety vented more about how society was horrible, Patton told more of his favorite dad jokes, and they had a pretty good time overall. _It’s always strange how two socially awkward people always have the best conversations._ As they walked back to their rooms, Patton felt strangely satisfied with his day.

 He crawled into bed without getting into his pajamas. He felt tired despite the lack of anything exciting happening that day. Patton whispered good night to Anxiety, and he could have sworn he heard the same response back. Thinking back to the conversation the two of them had earlier, he smiled. Maybe he really could start over here. Maybe his fear wouldn’t get in the way for once.

 After all, he was afraid of everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all! I'm back at it again with another fic, and to be completely honest, I have no idea whether I'm gonna complete
> 
> it or not. I hope i will, but sometimes my mind just decides to shut ideas down... Anyway, I hope you enjoy! I don't have
> 
> an update schedule as of yet cause school, but I will try to get new chapters out as soon as possible.
> 
> oh and also
> 
> im really sorry for OOC Patton (and other OOC characters for that matter), but there is a method to my madness... i  
> think, at least.
> 
> Please comment what you think, and tell me if you find a mistake!
> 
> Love y'all!


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